Drugs.

I wrote a poem for Alyssa. I was thinking of Annie when I wrote it, but Annie hasn’t left yet. I’m starting to feel the eminent mental collapse that comes from massive drug use and no sleep. I can barley walk. Driving is out of the question. I can’t move right. Overall, we did Motion pills, snorted Vicoden, smoked an insane amount of pot, not to mention the cocain and the acid. We were all too scared to try the acid, but I knew that it will come soon. Adena walked out of the room. Me and Jeremiah are sitting on the floor. He has some Opium. He would be hitting that soon too. I try to think. How many days has it been? Two. Maybe three? The sun is coming up and I feel like sleep.

“Fucker!” I woke up. The Motion pills were still working but everything else was gone.
“What?” Adena grabbed my arm and gently helped me up. We walked over to the mirror table that Adena made last night. All of our drugs are on the table. We have an eightball of cocain, which I refuse to do too much of, two hundred tightly rolled joints, and a bag of opium. We also had three kegs, three bottles of jack, three bottles of Vodka, twenty hits of motion pills, three hits of acid each, two bottles of Vicoden and Perceden, Concerta, Valium, and OxyCotton. Adena is the keeper of the drugs. She is our pharmacist. She has certain ground rules like: If your doing pills, don’t touch the alcohol. This made since. She has a lock and key for all of the heavy drugs. The beer and pot were free to take at anytime. We have to ask before we can get any pills. I want a concerta. Adena wouldn’t give it to me because she wanted me to do a line. I try to say no, but I decide to do what she says. I will obey. I will obey. I will obey. As Sammy says, let my purity of vision save me. She dumped a couple of lines in front of each of us and handed out the razor blades.

It’s three a clock in the afternoon. The coke wore off and the motion pills wore off a long time ago. This is the closest I have to to being sober in over twenty seven hours. It seems like a week, but… It was yesterday? Yesterday. Yesterday is when we got here. Here. Bobby’s house, with Adena, Zac, Tim, Jeremiah, John… Who’s John? Maybe the motion pills haven’t worn off yet. Maybe I’m John. John. nhoJ? Let me try… Am I going insane. My mind is buzzing. I can’t seem to hold a though for too long….

“Do you can go to same sack fact of tree stop motion go?” Someone is talking.
“Yeah.” Who’s coming? Adena jumps off her bunk onto my back screaming about Christians who are trying to enslave the world in a one world government. We are scared.
“Come with me.” She grabs my arm I am trying to follow, but my legs don’t want to work.
“Okay, lets go.” I run to the car but I fall. My arm is bleeding.
“NO! You don’t… we have to go. Don’t take the car, it’s chipped. Are YOU chipped?” She starts looking suspicious,. “Are you one of them? ARE YOU? FUCKING ASSHOLE.”
“No no no no no no no. I’m not. Trust me.”
“Okay.” We start running into the forest next to Bobby’s house. She brought supplies. A tent, twenty joints for each of us, a bottle of vodka, the bottle of the motion pills and some of the vicoden. She said she also had coke.

We are in the forest. Adena lost her flashlight, so we lit the tent on fire. We set it up, drenched it in alchohol (Theres enough of it back at the barn.) and lit it up. It’s burning down fast. We have somehow come to the sense of an image in time of something. I dunno. This all seems… Wrong? No… Unethical? Probably? Definitly not wrong, but empty. We are lost…
We find fire wood. Me and Adena are sober-ish. This is aboput how close I can get to explaining it: My eyes are all red, and my mind is spinning a million miles per hour, I am wide awake, and it’s three a.m. We hear voices. Maybe I’m not sober. I don’t know……. ANYWAY, were sitting on a log watching a pile of wood burning.

Me and Adena wake up nestled behind the barn. It’s cold. We go inside to Jeremiah and Zac are zsitting at the table. They laugh at us when we walk in. Apparantly we have switched cloths. I go and get some food. I am only high on pot now. I desparatrly need rest. Maybe for and hour or two, but that troublesome Adena won’t leave me alone. I distinctly remember having sex with her in the car last night. Weren’t we in the forest? I look out all around Bobby’s house and I don’t see any forest. It’s all fields. Did we fuck?
“Adena, did we fuck last night?” Adena looked at me and smiled.
“Maybe? Why?” WHY! It seems so important. Maybe it isn’t. It is. It isn’t. Doesn’t matter. Noone gets out of here alive.